I feel unsexy – how to communicate this to your partner

We all know the feeling of feeling uncomfortable in our own skin. Some more sometimes less, some especially once a month, but we lipedema patients unfortunately suffer from it almost permanently. It can’t be that difficult to feel comfortable in your own skin, you would think. But if you are stuck in a shell that you can’t get rid of on your own and that has been covering up your true self for years, this is definitely a problem.

The moments when you undress and your partner is in the room with you, he or she comes into the bathroom when you are taking a shower, or he or she touches you because he or she would like to make love to you, feel very uncomfortable for you, you behave shyly, even dismissively, you feel uncomfortable, you would like to avoid the situation – but somehow you don’t, because you would like to be intimate with your partner, as it was perhaps before the lipedema took control of your self-confidence and your thoughts.

Time to break out of this negativ spiral

To break out of this spiral of negative emotions, it is important to be able to talk openly with the person you are in a partnership with. If the other person doesn’t know how much your appearance and such trivial situations bother you, he/she can’t help you to improve your feelings. For the other person you are beautiful, even if you are not aware of it or you do not feel that way.

Even if we often hear how beautiful he/she thinks we are and that he/she doesn’t find anything sick or disturbing about us, a woman thinks he/she is just saying that because he/she thinks he/she has to. Most of the time we insinuate that our partner would not find us so beautiful and would rather have us thinner or differently shaped. But why do we think that? Do you yourself think that way about your partner? We love our partner for his or her unique character, great sense of humor or shoulder to lean on. Wrinkles or a bulge on the belly are something trivial.

I think that when you suffer from lipedema, you tend to reduce yourself to the disease, and this leads to the fact that we are not only in everyday life, but also in sexual, erotic moments too cerebral and feel uncomfortable. This not only spoils the moment and the intimacy with our partner, but also our partner feels this and cannot enjoy the togetherness one hundred percent – and that is a pity!

Even if most of the work is on you and the image of your body, the first step in the right direction, as unpleasant as it may be: talking to your partner! He doesn’t have to be able to understand how it feels to you, you shouldn’t expect that from him, but he needs to know, otherwise there will still be many misunderstandings in your relationship.

How do I seek the conversation?

It is best to think about a situation in which you are both relaxed and have time, for example, in the evening on the couch or when you go for a walk on the weekend. Don’t start the conversation with accusations like, “I know you don’t think I’m sexy.” or “You don’t understand anyway but, …”

How can I do it better?

Start the conversation by telling him about a recent situation and explain what made you uncomfortable and why. You might also consider in advance how you think he could help you and together you will work out how you can make such situations more comfortable for you in the future.

We are more than just lipedema

Never forget that even if we only see the disease in ourselves and define ourselves by it, we should not assume from the outset that our counterpart does the same. We are desirable friends, wives, lovers and much more than just lipedema.

My tips for you:

• Buy yourself nice underwear, that already contributes a lot to making you feel more comfortable! Bodysuits are especially suitable, because they wrap you up nicely and give you a little more security.
• Take time regularly for a beauty program! Face mask, manicure, everything that goes with it. A little self-care time on a regularly basis is a necessity, not a luxury.
• Take the pressure off. If you don’t feel well on some days, that’s perfectly okay. Negative feelings have their place too, and sometimes you just have to let them be and hunker down in your jogging suit. Just make sure that it doesn’t become a habit and that you also look for ways to get yourself out of it.